Your Porn Search History Is Now For Sale

New York Post -  Avast, whose free antivirus software has been used by hundreds of millions around the world — has been secretly harvesting and selling users’ “highly sensitive” web-browsing histories, according to an explosive report.

An Avast subsidiary called Jumpshot has been giving big companies like Google, Pepsi, Home Depot and McKinsey & Co. access to Avast user’s internet activity — from their shopping habits on Amazon to their sessions on Pornhub, according to a joint investigation.

Obviously no one is surprised that there's a publicly-traded, multi-national antivirus company based in the Czech Republic that's harvesting user data for consumer War Lords like Pepsi and McKinsey. And no one should be surprised that your Amazon purchase history is being slowly read back to Jeff Bezos while he rejuvenates in a cryotherapy chamber timeshare

None of that should surprise anyone because it's 2020 and nothing is sacred. You cut a fart loud enough these days and Alexa will express order you some Dude Wipes. These are progressive times. 

But even so, there's certain lines that should never be crossed. 

Avast tracked users’ Internet behavior to a granular degree, even in their most intimate moments. 

Once you start throwing the word "intimate" around my data, we officially move 99 seconds closer to midnight on the Doomsday clock. It's Defcon-1. Red Alert. Whatever the fucking saying is, that's where we're at. 

The collected data could tell a company what time a user visited a porn site, 

And thus sending national unemployment rates out of fucking control. All you guys working from home just shit your pants a little. Fine by me. 

what they searched for on the site 

NOT FINE BY ME. 

and even what video they watched.

But I have a question. 

Do you really think your porn search history is any more that fucked up or weird than anyone else's? 

Stop being so selfish. Statistically speaking you're just as average as the rest of us, even when it comes to getting weird cracking stick. Watching porn is no different than anything else in life: the more exposure you get to other people doing it, the more you realize that you're Just Okay.

I think you're great. - Mom

Remember when you went to basketball camp and found out there were 15 kids who were significantly better than you? Or when you got to college and realized your high school girlfriend was absolutely brutal. Or that you weren't even that smart. Blah blah blah. Insert all the examples you want. Point is, the more exposure to other people, the more you realize your mediocrity. 

Porn hits different because it sits close to the chest. Or vest. Either one, you're not blowing up the boys after a huge sesh. You're not socializing around it or competing against your peers. It's just your thing, so of course you think you're weird because you don't know any better. Just how you think your dog is the best and your grandpa is the coolest and all that stuff when everybody has the best dog and #1 Grandpa

But as Grandpa will tell you and as you'll certainly realize as you get older - the more experiences you have, the more people you meet and things you do, the more you realize everyone is just kind of weird and average and horny.